By Santina Russo, science journalist from Zurich

Shortly before starting the relationship, she had taken an HIV test.
"I’ve always been responsible and thought it was completely normal to get tested," says Julia. The test came back negative, and she told her new boyfriend.
"He thought it was strange that I would just go and get tested like that, and he refused to take one himself," Julia recalls.

A year later, the city where she lived made a public appeal for bone marrow donors. A young boy had been diagnosed with leukemia and needed a donor. Both Julia and her boyfriend—let’s call him Mark—gave blood samples.
"When I got a call from the clinic asking me to come in for an appointment, I already sensed something was wrong." Julia feared a cancer diagnosis. Instead, it was HIV-positive.
"I thought, that’s it. I’m going to die."

Like many other cis-hetero women at the time—and still today—Julia was poorly informed about HIV. She didn’t know that even back then, the virus could be well-managed with medication. Today, 12 years after her infection, she has come to terms with what happened. Like someone grieving a loved one, she went through different stages, including intense anger toward her ex-boyfriend—both for infecting her and for how he handled it afterward.

Julia, now 33, wants to ensure her story doesn't reflect badly on him or his family. That’s why she doesn’t want to reveal either of their full names.

"Today I’d say: Fuck you."

When Julia found out about her infection, it quickly became clear that Mark was also HIV-positive and had brought the virus into the relationship. But his parents didn’t want to hear that. They wanted the HIV diagnosis to remain unspoken. Julia, however, felt a strong need to talk about it—to process the situation and her emotions.

The first time she opened up about her diagnosis to a friend, Mark’s parents found out—and punished her:
"They stopped speaking to me for days. These were people I used to trust. It felt like I had committed a crime," Julia says.

Things only got worse with his family. One time, Julia got a small cut near her fingernail, and suddenly, she wasn’t allowed near Mark’s young niece anymore.
"The worst part was that my boyfriend didn’t defend me in front of his family. That really crushed me."

Even though it was obvious from their histories that Mark had infected Julia and not the other way around, his family refused to acknowledge it. Mark’s mother even said to Julia:
"Maybe he got it from you. You can’t know for sure."

Looking back, Julia feels sorry for her younger self.
"Today, I’d be able to handle something like that very differently. I’d just say: Fuck you."

HIV Affects Heterosexuals Too

"When I look back now, I’m proud of where I am today." But overcoming the trauma took a lot of mental work. A key step was breaking ties with Mark and his family. Julia started therapy and gradually began opening up to her circle of friends about living with HIV.
"Now, everyone knows and handles it well."

And even if they didn’t:
"Today, I like myself again and I could handle it if someone didn’t want to be friends with me because of HIV. I know: HIV doesn’t define me."

When she was in a new relationship later on, her HIV status wasn’t an issue.
"All you have to do is Google it to find out that the medication prevents transmission."

Still, Julia notices how uninformed many people are. In a 2020 survey by the German AIDS Service Organization, only 18% of respondents knew that people on successful HIV treatment can’t pass on the virus. In a representative Swiss survey from 2024, the figure was just 22%.

"What’s equally alarming is how little people think about protecting themselves from HIV." According to a 2024 WHO study, young people in Europe use condoms less frequently than they did ten years ago. Nearly a third of the tens of thousands surveyed said they hadn’t used either the pill or a condom during their last sexual encounter.

"Most people still think HIV mainly affects gay men and hardly ever heterosexuals," says Julia.
"These days, the standard is often: the guy asks, ‘Are you on the pill? I don’t want a kid.’ But very few women ask: ‘Are you using a condom? I don’t want a sexually transmitted infection.’"

When Julia hears how casually some young women have unprotected sex, it makes her angry.

From Self-Discovery to Mission

Even though she now lives a largely normal life with HIV, getting to this point was tough. The strong medications she now takes daily made her feel awful at first—she experienced dizziness, nausea, fatigue, and vomiting.

Looking back, she had symptoms even before her diagnosis:
A bad flu that wouldn’t go away, cold sores on her lip and ear, even whooping cough. She was ill off and on for about six months. Each time, doctors treated only the symptoms—fever, herpes, cough. No one considered HIV.

That’s one reason why Julia is now committed to raising awareness.
"I want to help open people’s eyes to HIV."

She spoke publicly about her experience during a panel discussion at the Reeperbahn Festival in Hamburg in 2022, and in 2023, she was the face of a campaign by the German AIDS Service Organization. At her most recent panel, organized by Sexual Health Zurich (SeGZ), the focus was on how poorly informed even many healthcare professionals are when it comes to HIV.

Julia herself has experienced this:
She once saw a gynecologist who was filling in for someone else and didn’t know her. The doctor asked:
"Why are you HIV-positive? Are you a drug addict?"
Julia shakes her head: "It’s crazy how many prejudices even doctors have."

Today, Julia’s life looks very different—and much better. She’s physically active, goes out from time to time, and knows she can still have children. She’s in a healthy, ordinary relationship with her current partner. She told him about her HIV status early on, when she realized she was falling for him.

"Of course, there was that difficult first moment when he didn’t know what it meant. But then you talk about it, and it dissolves," she says.

Since October 2023, the two have been living together in Zurich, in a cozy little 1.5-room apartment. Julia is currently doing her Master’s in Agricultural Sciences, and she will soon start volunteering with Sexual Health Zurich (SeGZ). Her personal experience is sure to help others.