Portrait by Daniel Ferreira and Loris D’Albenzio Allo

Ricardo¹ (name changed) was born in Brazil in the 1990s and moved to Western Switzerland as a young man. When he took ecstasy for the first time in 2006, he discovered new social spaces:
“It was amazing. I used to be really introverted. Being able to dance, to see boys kissing... I finally felt at home.”
That first experience changed his relationship with the community:
“It opened me up to people. I felt like I was floating on clouds for two weeks.”

In 2007, the diagnosis changed his self-image:
“HIV definitely influenced my use,” he explains, describing how social spaces where bodies and substances intersect became preferred places for exploration and the reclaiming of a new social reality.
“It’s incredible how these two groups—people living with HIV, and people who party and use drugs—are almost seen as the same category,” he observes. In these communal practices, Ricardo initially found a space where he could share his status:
“For a year, I only talked about it with other people living with HIV.”
This selective exchange gradually evolved into a strategy of liberating transparency. In this way, stigma became a pedagogical tool, and party spaces turned into incubators for building a new relationship with his HIV status.

By 2010, when he became undetectable, Ricardo noticed how his relationship to his body and his diagnosis evolved alongside his connection to substances and the social activities in these spaces. Conversations within the community actively contributed to the spread and internalization of medical progress—especially regarding undetectability—and revealed how these spaces can serve as channels of scientific knowledge within the community.

He also discovered other forms of care within the "partouzeur" (group sex) circles: forms of intimacy that go beyond conventional notions:
“Guys who inject², but who also want hugs—it's wild.”

While substance use has been liberating, it also carries risks. Twice, he went through difficult periods due to his consumption—psychologically, socially, and physically:
“I kept telling myself I was overdoing it, that I had a problem.”
These moments also became opportunities to redefine his goals, leading him—just shy of forty—to shift his view on substances and their role in his life:
“Now I live my life, I ask myself what’s good for me, and I focus on other goals.”