The First Signs of HIV / AIDS

Catherine: A Realization from New York

“I first heard about it in New York in 1983. I was visiting my brother, and he was losing friends without really knowing why. At the time, no one understood what was happening. In Switzerland, it wasn’t talked about at all. The very first article I saw was in L’Hebdo, around 1986. A small, almost unnoticed article.”

Catherine remembers an oppressive silence surrounding the subject.
“People pushed it aside. They thought it only affected homosexuals or drug users.”
But over the years, as her brother’s friends disappeared one by one, the reality became clear to her. Her brother, who was gay, had left Switzerland to live in New York, where he could be himself.
“It wasn’t well accepted here. He had piercings, and when he came home for Easter egg hunts, I told him not to show them too much. People were shocked by the smallest things. Fortunately, attitudes have changed.”

Catherine, Mike’s Sister

Ted: Between Denial and Shock

Ted worked in show business.

“People started talking about it, but everything was still very unclear. I remember a friend who was a nurse at the Inselspital in Bern. He said it was complete nonsense, that HIV didn’t exist, that it was just to scare gay people. He told us to just keep living normally. He died of AIDS.”

This statement highlights the widespread denial, even among healthcare professionals.

“We believed him because he was a nurse. So we took it lightly. Then there were stars like Elizabeth Taylor who started speaking out about it. That’s when we saw people dying.”

A Silence Broken Too Late

For both Catherine and Ted, HIV/AIDS was a taboo subject for a long time, almost invisible in Switzerland. Only over time, through losses and public statements, did collective awareness begin to shift.
“AIDS was there, but we didn’t care at all,” Ted summarizes with brutal honesty.

Ted and Mike: Total Love

A Brutal Revelation

“When I met Mike, nothing hinted at the complexity of our story. We had been together for three months before I learned anything about it.”

Through a mutual friend, Ted finds out that Mike is living with HIV: “She told me, ‘Be careful.’ I didn’t understand why. Then she said he had AIDS. I was shocked.” Ted then starts reconsidering certain behaviors of Mike: he was very cautious during sex, he was really peculiar. One evening, when Mike was drunk, Ted receives a warning message from a taxi driver friend. He goes to him, and Mike finally tells him about his HIV status: “I was very angry. I told him he had betrayed me.” But after three days of silence, Mike calls. They talk:

“I loved him so much that I stayed with him.”

Ted gets tested. Three months of waiting, of fear. The result is negative.
“Then we had to live with HIV. We continued to have sex with a condom. We lived together for seven years.”

The Announcement

Mike had warned Ted: “The day you visit me in the hospital and there’s a bedside commode, I will be gone.” That day comes. Ted visits Mike before a drag show in Austria. He sees the commode. He wants to cancel, but Mike refuses. “He told me, ‘Go, nothing will happen.’” Ted goes to the show. When he returns, he calls the hospital—no one answers. He contacts Mike’s uncle. “He told me, ‘Didn’t anyone call you? Mike died yesterday at noon.’”

The Disappearance

After Mike’s death, Ted is excluded. “I never had contact with his family again. I wasn’t even mentioned in the obituary.” A year later, Mike’s brother contacts him to ask if he still has a skull of Mike. Only Mike’s aunt stays in touch with Ted. “Maybe it was too painful for them to see me. But I tried.”

The Forbidden Word

With Mike, it was impossible to talk about AIDS. “You couldn’t say the word. It was hidden.” Yet Mike was a gentle man, proud of Ted, who performed shows and appeared in newspapers. “We got along very well. We hardly ever argued.”

A Sign from Beyond

Before his death, Ted and Mike promised that if one of them passed away, he would try to give the other a sign. Mike, who was not religious, had silently agreed. And that sign came. One day in November, Ted felt strangely well. He changed his usual route while walking their dog Magic. He walked under an alley of trees, all bare except for one. A single leaf remained, illuminated by the full moon. “It detached and fell on my shoulder. I felt a hand.” That moment marked a turning point. “I felt free. He had freed me.”

An Unforgettable Love

“I had the great love.” Ted still speaks lovingly of Mike years later. “We couldn’t talk about AIDS. That was a forbidden word. But he was a wonderful person.” Today, Ted has found love again. “He resembles Mike a lot. He is proud of me, and I am proud of him.” But Mike remains present. “I think of him every day.”

Mike, Ted’s Partner

Catherine and Mike: A Sister’s Unconditional Love

An Impossible Return

Mike went to New York to live his homosexuality openly. At the age of 37, he returned to Switzerland, just as Catherine had given birth to her daughter. He looked for work and tried to reintegrate. But something was wrong: “Catherine, can I talk to you? I want to get tested.” Everything was complicated—Mike had no Swiss health insurance. Catherine pleaded with her doctor to allow him the test. “He scolded me: ‘Are you crazy?’” Finally, Dr. Favre agreed to treat him free of charge. Mike was afraid—of the result, of what it would mean. When the result came back positive, there was silence. Mike didn’t want to talk about it. “I’m finished; there is no hope,” he said. He refused to stay in Switzerland. He was afraid of our father’s judgment, of what people would say. He returned to New York.

Between Loneliness and Dignity

Catherine traveled to New York alone—the only one from the family. “I didn’t want him to be alone.” She entrusted her daughter to her sister-in-law and spoke not a word of English. But she went—for him, her brother. Upon arrival, Mike’s partner left him and disappeared. “It was hell. Especially for him. He was scared.” Mike coughed for two years, grew weaker, doubted, and lost his orientation. He no longer recognized his family. Catherine had to call Switzerland to prove that she was really his sister. “He said: ‘Do you want to make me believe I’m crazy?’” Catherine accompanied him through this particularly difficult time—without support. She, too, became a victim of the silence surrounding HIV/AIDS.

Mike, Catherine’s Brother

The Shining Brother

Mike was the strong, older brother. The one who held her hand when they crossed the street. The one who took her dancing in the 1980s—“the one who climbed on podiums, beautiful, proud, free; the kind of man you notice as you pass by,” says Catherine. And finally, it is Catherine who holds his hand, helping him walk and accompanying him to the hospital.

The Fear of Others

When Catherine returned to Switzerland, she experienced a new kind of loneliness. Her partner no longer wanted to sleep with her—afraid she was “contagious.” It took days before she dared to be close to him again. “Even my father didn’t want me to go to New York. But I went.” She left everything behind: her daughter, her comfort. To be there. So that he wouldn’t be alone. “I did what I had to do. But there, you are still alone.”

A World That Lets People Suffer

Catherine didn’t understand. Why do people have to suffer like this? Why aren’t they given the chance to leave with dignity? “I thought we lived in a world where they give us something and we no longer feel pain. Like with Exit.” But no. One has to endure. Until the end. Until the body gives out. Until the spirit fades.

“Love is so strong! Be supportive!”