Talking about HIV

March 2024

When dating or starting a relationship, the fear of rejection stresses me out a lot if I disclose my positive HIV status. Although I know that I am not obliged to disclose my status, I would like to do so as soon as possible. What can I do to counteract the fear of rejection?

Familiarize yourself with your HIV infection. Get all the information you can and the support that is good for you - be it regarding your treatment options and medical questions from the doctors treating you or regarding all other topics from counseling centers, AIDS service organizations, etc. And ask any questions that are on your mind. The more confident you feel about your HIV infection, treatment, etc., the more self-assured and relaxed you can become when dealing with other people. Take time for this process.

Make the formula "U=U" a constant companion in your life ("undetectable = untransmittable", i.e. undetectable viral load = not transmittable).

The fear of rejection is deeply human and very stressful, and prejudices unfortunately still exist in society. The level of knowledge varies depending on the community. To avoid hurtful rejection, it is often worth waiting when dating or at the beginning of a relationship to see if trust and a sense of security develop before deciding whether and when to broach the subject or disclose your HIV status. It is right to listen to your gut feeling and decide the right time for yourself.

Sadly, there are still people who turn away after disclosure. This is often due to a lack of knowledge, uncertainty and a vague fear of infection. It can be helpful to get information and advice together in relationships to increase knowledge about HIV and reduce fears, for example at the regional AIDS service organization, at specialist sexual health centers or at the Swiss AIDS service organization.

I highly recommend visiting the website www.aids.ch, where you will find this and much more important information on various aspects of living with HIV.

Helpful tips for preparation

It can be relieving for you to think about what the worst and best scenarios of disclosure would be for you and to imagine how you would successfully cope with these scenarios. Or you can talk to people who have already had these experiences. Another option is to practise and act out conversations you find difficult with a trusted person beforehand. And at some point you can do it yourself and hopefully enjoy a joyful and pleasurable relationship and dating life again!